A simple truth that transcends a loser to a winner

Written for Quora: Why most people don’t achieve their dreams?

Even once in a lifetime, we all wondered:

  • What is the thing that stands between the person and his dream?
  • What is this obstacle that lies within every endeavor and is so hard to overcome?
  • Why so many people claim big dreams but never get any closer?

The answer to these questions, that is what I would like to illuminate today.

I was a loser.

When I was younger I had a mindset of a defeated. To be precise, it was not even a mindset it was an idea that lingered on a deeper subconscious level.

An idea that someone will come to solve my problems.

I was blaming my parents, people who were around me, the weather, the country I lived in. Complaining about life was my habitual daily routine. I was in deep depression and I was convinced that the reason for it hides in my external setting. I fell so low that I almost hit the bottom. I remember that I started to think that if I don’t start to crawl my way back I will roll over and die miserably in some old dodgy motel.

One day there was a switch that clicked inside me. A single tipping point above which my ascendance began. The epiphany.

Do you know what the difference between the winner and a loser? I know.

I suddenly realized that no one is coming to save me. I had to become my own savior or perish.

Now in the retrospective, I understand this was the difference between me who was falling down looking down in the darkness and screaming horrified by what the darkness revealed, and me who was crawling throw pain, clenching my teeth, peeling the layers of dirt from my blind eyes, suffering but seeking for light. I was coughing with blood trying to digest the stingy punches of truth accurately landing on my solar plexus.

👊This is the difference between the person who makes the rules of the game and the one who plays by them.

👊This is the difference between those who make things happen and those who let things happen to them.

👊This is the difference between the mind of a warrior and mind of a victim.

Let me take you through the three levels of responsibility that I distinguished for myself. These are the stages one has to walk through to make a change.

1. The responsibility of realization.

One who wants to be in control of his life first has to embrace the status quo. In your primary responsibility, you have to combine all aspects of your reality and draw a sum up line — this is your result:

  • Your partner or the absence of him/her — is your result
  • The amount of money on your bank account — is your result
  • Your job, your work, and the fulfillment you get from it — is your result
  • Your friends, your surroundings, your media — is your result
  • Your relationship with your parents — is your result
  • The car your drive, the house/the city/the country you live in — is your result.

As soon as the realization of it will start to soak in and internalize you get the next level of responsibility.

2. The responsibility for the eradicating the redundant.

As I started the transformation of myself into a decent human being from the mess I was I came to understand how crucial it is to conceptualize the word “freedom” in your mind. Your definition has to be crystal clear.

Here is mine:

🚫 No one will root off your bad habits.

🚫 No one will cut off the tumor of toxic relationships from your life.

🚫 No one will clean your room and declutter your house.

🚫 No one will clean your soul and declutter your mind.

You have to do it yourself. 

If you please, this is the Rule of Space:

If you want something beautiful to enter your life you have to make space for it. 

Either it is stopping seeing toxic “friends”, breaking up the relationship with an abusive partner or something as simple as throwing out old useless clothes from your house, the responsibility for making space will liberate you. Let yourself breathe freely.

3. The responsibility for solving your own problems.

Let me tell you one story.

I used to mentor one boy. His parents are millionaires. They own several buildings in the city. Their kids not only never knew what is the meaning of the word “scarcity”. They never knew what is the meaning of the word “abundance”. In their reality, everything falls on them from the sky and they take it for granted.

This boy got the most advanced MacBook Pro for $3k+ the next day it was released even everything that he is capable of doing on it is just playing Overwatch. His parents take him to organic restaurants every other day leaving 100–200$ bills. They have a 3 floors house and two cars.

So am I writing this because I am so freaking jealous?😄 Not at all 😐. In fact, I have the deepest respect for his Dad who worked his ass off and did make it. The reason why I am writing about this boy is that there is something that many people including his parents fail to understand:

They hired me to beat their son’s mind into the shape of the mind I have today. They want him to possess nail-bending willpower but they don’t understand the principle of attaining such.

🚫 You can’t cure computer game addiction in your son by buying him the latest laptop.

🚫 You can’t become a person who pushes his body through the pain at will by being a couch potato.

🚫 It is impossible to become stress-resistant by being in a constant food-digesting mode. You need to stay hungry. Literally.

You have been through some tough times. You’ve seen some shit. Maybe you are going through a hardship now. Maybe you are burning but what you will carry out of the fire is exactly the thing that will become your legacy.

Incinerating your weakness is a bitter pill to swallow but it will also become your sweetest memory.

You will have a hard time fighting for the things you want in life for the simple fact that right now you don’t have them. Cherish the process of getting the things the hard way. This is how you anneal your soul.

Let’s wrap it up.

I implore you

Right here, right now, make a decision that everything in your life is your responsibility.

Say it with me ✊:

I take 100% responsibility for my life.

I take 100% responsibility for those people who wronged me. The way other people treated me is 100% my result. I understand that if my relationships do not work out, there is something that is not working inside of me. I remember — all relationships are in my head.

I take 100% responsibility for the partner I have. I shall not complain. My partner is 100% my choice. If we fight and my relationship is shaky, it means I did something wrong and she is just reflecting it back to me. This is a food for thought and a motivation for self-adjustment.

I take 100% responsibility for the fact that I don’t have a partner. Being single is 100% my result. If I feel bad about it I need to do something myself. Love of my life will never knock my door. Never. It’s possible that I have to travel seven seas in order to meet my soulmate and I am ready to do it.

I take 100% responsibility for the place I am in. My home, the city, the country I live in are 100% my result. I take full responsibility for my life conditions and I understand that they will not change unless I make them change. I take 100% responsibility for improving my life setting.

I take 100% responsibility for who I am. My today’s mindset, my body, my habits, my money, my spirit, the way I look and feel are 100% my result. I take 100% responsibility for living a meaningful and happy life. I am willing to put in all the hard work to become the best version of myself.

Living life of 100% responsibility is 100% hard but it is also 100% rewarding.

This decision is what lies between a man and his dreams.

This decision you will have to take a countless amount of times in different shapes and forms but it its essence it will always be the same simple decision.

This truth has changed the course of my life. It will change yours if you let yourself embrace it.

I don’t say: “Don’t doubt yourself”. Doubt! Feel free to do it! But do it mindfully. Explore your doubts, observe them, investigate them. The only thing that you shouldn’t let doubts do to you is to stop you from moving. The inertia of stagnation will kill you. Move, move, move. Idleness is deadly.

Take responsibility for your actions and the outcomes. The reality is shapeshifting like a modeling clay under the hands of strong-willed and audacious.

Never put up with your own shit. Good luck in all your endeavors.

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