Why you shouldn’t rush with conclusions in hard times and stay grateful
In one of my essays, I wrote about the Transurfing of reality. The concept of the Transurfing is a theory that we live in a Space of Variations which contains an infinite number of realities with possible scenarios of each event with its own decorations and roles.
If we are unconscious about the choices we make we basically drift between these variations or in other words we think that things happen to us.
The variations of reality can be selected if one possesses sufficient mindfulness, discipline, willpower and strength of intent or in other words we can make things happen.
Sometimes we attract and materialize the variation of reality that we don’t understand at the time when it is happening. The understanding why the things had happened a certain way comes to us only later, after a significant period of time.
As an example, I want to tell you a story.
I have a friend. His name is Yomi. He is a brilliant scientist from Nigeria — a Ph.D. candidate in Environmental Science at GIST where we met.
Before coming to South Korea he was working in the bank. He liked his job and there was a promising career ahead of him but he wasn’t satisfied.
Yomi knew that he is wasting away his intellectual potential and he wanted to study more and even possibly to start an academic career.
He found a scholarship in GIST and told his boss he quits.
His boss was trying to convince him to stay: “Yomi, why do you need to keep studying? Ok, you will finish your Master degree, then possibly you will get your Ph.D. It is a minimum of another 6 years of study. And what after? You will look for a job. You already have a good job now, here at the bank, and in 6 years you will build a great career and make yourself rich. Be reasonable.”
Yomi was firm. He quit.
When he arrived in South Korea he was shocked. The school gave a scholarship of 300$ but his Professor didn’t provide him a promised financial support for the first semester. Even for a frugally living student 300$ a month is a very tight budget. The situation was devastating.
Doubts were eating Yomi from the inside: “Is that the life I wanted? I had a great stable job at the bank, very decent salary and a potential to grow up the career ladder. What have I done?”
It was winter, it was cold and depressing, and even there were some truly happy moments (Yomi saw the snow for the first time in his life) nothing changed his perception that he made a big mistake.
Until one day.
3 months in he called home and he was told that the bank where he used to work was robbed. An armed guy broke into the bank in the middle of the day.
One guy was shot dead.
It was a guy who was hired right after Yomi. “He was having my exact shifts and he was standing in the exact same place I would normally stand,” Yomi shared with me “I should have been in his place. I would be in the newspaper right now, not standing next to you.”
Yomi is a Christian. He is a deep believer. He said that God is taking care of him.
I think he is. Yomi finished his Masters, stayed for his Ph.D., published some excellent papers, settled his money issues, got married and he just became a father of a sweet little girl.
His story made me think about the situations in my life where I also failed to see the connections until many months passed.
I could relate to it.
When I sent my documents to the GIST first time something went wrong with the mail delivery and all the package arrived 2 days after the deadline for submission. My documents were not accepted, they were saved in the university archive for the future application.
I was furious. I had to stay in Kazakhstan for another half year. I thought I was wasting my time.
However, I refused to do so and focused on the self-development. In June 2013 I found the Sparta. It was a 3-days training course that completely changed my life.
When I arrived in Korea in August 2013 I was a different person. The processes that were triggered in me in those 3 days were unstoppable. I came with the determination to grow and develop myself.
Looking back now, 4 years later I see why my documents were delivered late and I am so grateful they didn’t. I don’t know what kind of person I would be if I didn’t get the chance to pass the Sparta. It became a concrete foundation of who I am today.
Some people believe in God, some in spirits, some in supernatural powers, and some in coincidences.
I write this essay not to argue about what are the true reasons behind the events that happen to us but I should say that throughout my life I never lost a feeling that someone is watching me, taking care of me and sometimes forcefully throwing me into the situations that are beneficial for me in the long run even if I resist and resent in the moment of them happening.
My personal experience and stories like the one of Yomi made me understand that the value and the reason behind some life events can only be understood in a retrospective.
At times, we tend to over-dramatize the scale of the problems we face. Whatever you go through now, think of it as it already happened. Even if you go through some hardships remember that they are temporary. Keep telling yourself:
And it will pass too.
I learned how to be grateful for the bad things that happen to me. I always know that things can be worse. I taught my mind to imagine the worst case scenarios as for the majority of the things that I experience they are always possible. Understanding that the variation of the reality I am in is more positive than the one I could be in is very helpful. I rewired my brain it automatically reframes any negative situation:
- If I happen to lose money, I think: “At least God didn’t take it with health.”
- If people betray me, I think: “At least their damage was not collateral. I learned a lot about people through this relationship and I am thankful for the time they were a part of my life.”
- If I fail, I think: “At least I learned something. Next time I will not be so foolish.”
- If I my brain is screaming at me to give up while I am running, I think: “There are people who don’t have legs. I am privileged to have an opportunity to workout. Run and stop bitching!”
- If I feel that things fall apart, I tell myself: “They don’t. I am just changing the lines to another variation of reality. Something better is coming, I just don’t know it yet.”
I acquired one of the most important habits to always keep in mind that for some people out there things are actually much worse than for me right here and now.
- There are handicapped people and people who have terminal illnesses.
- There are people whose relatives were killed and a home was destroyed in the actions of war.
- There are people who went to sleep hungry yesterday
- There are people who don’t have a shelter and sleep on the ground
- There are people who don’t have access to such essential things as clean water.
Whatever you do, wherever you are things could be so much worse for you…
…and yet they are not.
If something bad happens to you think that you paid much less price than it originally was. God just gave you a huge discount.
Stay resilient, have a deep internal belief that things will fall into places because one day they will.
You will look back and see why everything happened the way it happened.
Until then, stay strong, keep calm, and go through the storm.