I remember myself sitting alone in the park on a bench in Almaty watching naked late fall trees.
I was intensively reading J.P.Sartre at that time. I think I was reading the “Nausea” when I coincidentally bumped into the passage where he was describing the tree with the highest and detailed precision. It hit me.
For a moment I had a feeling of a deep fall.
I suddenly questioned if it is worth living.
I lost all of my reasons and I realized how unique and untransferable to others my experience is.
In a sense, I was an uncrackable nut, and no one could ever be able to see what is going on under the nutshell, the movements of my soul and the true depth of me. The feeling was overwhelming.
But soon after it started to dissolve. Other thing came to displace the ultimate meaningless.
I absorbed the main ideas of existentialism and after time they became pieces of my core mindset.
- We do not find meaning. We create it. Even if ultimately life has no meaning, on the scale of individual the meaning is a matter of choice.
- What I experience is uniquely mine. No one can’t judge me, as they don’t know what I have been through. On the other hand, I shall not judge anyone, as I never walked the path in their shoes either.
- I was born alone, I am alone, I die alone. I embraced my loneliness.
But that doesn’t mean that I should distance myself from people, quite the opposite. Relationships are the things that give life its meaning.
- Do people create things because this is our nature or just because we are bored? That’s an interesting question, but at the end of the day, it is irrelevant for the outcome. All I have to do is to keep creating even if my motifs are unclear to me.
- I am the total sum of my choices. What I possess, the place I am, the people around me, the thoughts in my head, the world around me — Everything is me. I am the totality. But again the only thing That I should take from it is practicality. It helps to realize that living with 100% responsibility for my actions as well as for my thoughts is the only possible way.
I am sure you will have your time questioning life.
Existentialism in its ultimate form can bring you to isolation. Be aware of that.
I just want to tell you that there were many smart men before you contemplating quite enough about the things that you might think of right now.
Existentialism might be considered as a sad way of thinking about things, but it is a beautiful philosophy which taught me a lot about the world and myself.
I squeezed the practical things and moved on.
Study it, and it will help you too.
We are our choices